Maybe It Was Never About Letting Go Of You, But Letting Go Of Who I Used To Be

February 13, 2019

I thought that finally parting ways with you would destroy me. That saying goodbye to the person Id loved and shared my life with would ache to the core. I thought that finding a way to continue on without you would be difficult, if not impossible. I was scared for how it would go, if it would hurt, or if Id ever feel like myself again.

But then I realized it was never really about you.

Letting go of you meant letting go of the part of me that had believed in you, in us. Letting go meant saying goodbye to the places wed lived and traveled to, saying goodbye to the memories we made, the foundation we built.

Letting go of you meant saying goodbye to the girl I was with you. And welcoming a new girl in.

See, it was never really about you at all. But about how I could transform when we finally parted ways. It was about how I could close the door on that part of my life and continue forward, becoming something new, something happy, something free.

It was about how I was saying goodbye to my old self, my old life, even my old dreams and making new ones. A new life plan without you in it. A plan that maybe I was destined to follow all along, I just forgot.

Dont get me wrong, letting you go was painful. It ached in the deepest parts of me. It made me lose all sense of purpose for a moment. It made me cry in ways I hadnt since I was a child.

But it made me realize who I was and had always been.
And who I would continue to be, without you.

See, letting you go meant saying goodbye to the girl that was afraid of losing the one she loved. It meant saying goodbye to the girl that was timid, the girl who always put others needs before her own. It meant saying goodbye to the girl who didnt always follow her dreams because she was too busy helping someone else follow theirs.

It meant saying goodbye to the girl who wasnt always true to herself.

But Im not longer that girl.

See, I said goodbye to her. I said goodbye to her insecurities. I said goodbye to the way she thought of you before herself, to a fault. I said goodbye to the way she always thought the best of the ones who let her down.

This new girl? She is not bitter, but she is strong. She knows what she deserves and she is fearless in the pursuit of it. This new girl? She is brave and selfless, still putting others before herself, but not to the point that it destroys her.

This new girl? She is happy. She is confident. She is proud. She is alone.

Following her own dreams, wishing on her own stars.

And she is happy, and wishes the same for you.

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