Why Falling In Love Scares The Shit Out Of Me

November 29, 2018

As much as I want to find a man to spend the rest of my life with, and as much as I complain about being single, I have a secret. I’m scaredof falling in love. It’s the single most terrifying thing that could ever happen to me.

I’ve never experiencedit before.

I’m used to being single. I’m good at it. I know what movies to binge watchon Netflix when I’m bored and what dating apps to check if I want a quick boost in confidence. But I’m not used to being someone’s serious girlfriend. What if I’m bad at it? I have no idea how to comfort a guy when he’s in tears or how to make a good first impression with his parents. Just the thought of taking such serious stepsgives me major anxiety.

Crushes arehard enough to deal with.

I’ve had my fair share of crushes, and I’ve spent hours crying over them for ridiculous reasons. And those tearswereonly over boys I wish I would’ve been with. Imagine how bad it would be if I ended up in a serious relationship with someone who stole my heart?Loving someone is ten times worse than lusting overthem. I don’t know if I’m ready to experiencethat level of emotion.

I don’t want to lose sightof what’s important in life.

It’s hard enough to balance my social life and my career as a single woman. Adding a maninto the mix would only make life more difficult.If I found a serious boyfriend, I’d have tomake him one of my toppriorities, which means I might end up letting other things, like my friendships or my career, slide. But I neverwant that to happen.

I don’t want to lose my independence.

I consider myself to be pretty self-sufficient, but if I entered a serious relationship, my boyfriend would become a big part of my life. I’d end up gettingupset over silly things, like if he forgot to compliment my new haircut or if he spent a little too much time texting a certain female friend. A boyfriend wouldbe able to make or break my day, and I’m scared of letting someone hold that much power over me.

People do crazy things in the name of love.

I’ve seen friends of mine fall in love, and it’s not always a pretty sight. Some of them have turned into recluses who refuse to leave the house without their boyfriend by their side. Some of them have become shells of who they once were, because they’ve beenmentally and physically abused. There are even people out there who killin the name of love. Sure, it’sa beautiful emotion, but it’s also a dangerous one. I don’t know if I want to get involved in it.

The more I have, the more I have tolose.

It’s not falling in love that scares me as much as falling out of love. I don’t want to get myhopes up by imagining what it would be like to marry a certain man, and then end up getting my heart broken when it doesn’t actually happen. I know that I’m strong, but I’d still have trouble handling that type of pain. It’s something I hope I never haveto go through.

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