Why I Want To Date A Trump Gal

Wed never talk about having kids because she doesnt believe in planned parenthood.

There will always be an abundance of Stoli vodka in the house.

Though well argue quite often, minutes later Ill be allowed to claim I never said any of it.

She believes in outdated racial tropes. So being a black man, shell assume Im swinging lumber.

Though shell be initially confused that I havent fathered and abandoned children with multiple women, it will eventually impress her that I fought off my genetic requirement to do so.

Shell be allured by my air of mystery because I wont talk about my days selling drugssteadfastly refusing to believe that I never sold drugs.

Shell feel such sympathy for me because I never knew my dad. When I point out that I saw my dad last month, shell pat me on my shoulder and say Your dad, sweetie.

There will always be an abundance of white sheets in the house.

Without knowing anything about my finances, shell open a checking account for me so that I can stop going to those check cashing places.

Shell tell me Now you have a place to put all of your Obamacare money.

Shell treasure our relationship becauseaccording to phone calls with her momdating me makes her a patriot.

She read a news story on Facebook that convinced her contact with my skin will keep her looking youthful into her 50’s.

She believes having sex with me is considered reparations.

She believes having sex with me entitles her to a tax break.

She believes having sex with me will finally get her the credits from that African Studies class she failed as an undergrad.

In steamy moments shell whisper

When shes worried, I can easily calm her by reminding her Everythings gonna be alt right.

Shell get a kick out of using air-quotes when referring to my job.

Shell read things to me, for reasons she believes are obvious.

Shell encourage my writing, but warn that the world doesnt need another .

Shes impressed by my Harvard degree because it shows I apparently have photoshop skills.

And thanks to recent events, Id never have to watch again.

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